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Sunday, 13 April 2008

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Wednesday, 12 December 2007

World on My Shoulders

Well now I know how he must have felt
I played with the cards with which I was dealt
The world's on my shoulders and I'm not too strong
I thought I was a hard ass but I was so wrong

They say when life hands you lemons you make lemonade
Well I was handed a loaded grenade
So what do I do with it, where do I go?
I need to get rid of it, where should I throw?

Can't get away, nowhere to run
Gotta get out, gotta have fun
Drink til I'm happy and my problems are gone
But when I'm sober I realize I'm so far from done

Who's coming with me?
Who's tagging along?
Who understands to words to this song?
Who's taking the world?
It's weighing me down
I'm ready to get the hell out of town

I'm thinking Fiji's good this time of year
Anything's gotta be better than here
Too much pressure, I can't deal
This life has become much too real

Tears are building up and looking for an escape route
But I won't let them fall, I won't let them out
It's not worth all the pain that I bear
I'm carrying it alone and I don't think it's fair.

Can't get away, nowhere to run
Gotta get out, gotta have fun
Drink til I'm happy and my problems are gone
But when I'm sober I realize I'm so far from done

Who's coming with me?
Who's tagging along?
Who understands to words to this song?
Who's taking the world?
It's weighing me down
I'm ready to get the hell out of town

Atlas, tell me, how'd you survive?
How did you manage to stay alive?
I wish that I had half of your might
But the strong girl inside me is tired of this fight.

Atlas, help me, if you're near by
Lift the world off me, lift it up high
If you don't help, if you're not fast
I'm afraid I'll give up, I'm afraid I won't last.
Lyrics by: Lindsay G. (singer9672)
IN OTHER NEWS:
God answered my prayers today. I almost cried.

Wednesday, 05 December 2007

He who can tame me, can keep me.

Men, men, men.... they're EVERYWHERE! So...why can't I pinpoint which one is MY future? My mom has always told me that the VERY moment she first set her eyes on my father, she knew he was THE ONE! I, on the other hand, look at SEVERAL men and think, "He is THE ONE". Although, don't get me wrong, I am by no means promiscuous! I'll go one by one of all the men I've been "close" with in these last 6 months:
There's this guy who we'll call James. I liked him for a long time! I noticed he'd stare at me from across the room too. We went to a birthday party together and the moment I'd hoped for finally came when he kissed me. It was too good to be true. We went home and I lay on the couch. He was on his own couch, but then came and laid with me. I thought we'd just go to sleep and he tried...well... you know. So I stopped him and left. I haven't spoken to him since...
Then there's a guy who we'll name Matt. I met him when he was single. I didn't like him at first, not in the least bit attracted to him! Although, he is VERY cute! We went out with a mutual friend and towards the end of the night, we were arm in arm...no kissing (yet). Things didn't progress until almost 2 months later when we were at a birthday party and we kissed. I have to say, out of all the men I've kissed, he was #1, hands-down, THE BEST kisser I've EVER come across! I was embarrassed the next day and avoided him for a while. He ended up getting back with his ex after a month or so and I became REALLY good friends with her. Now he's one of my best friends and there's no more I can get, or want to get out of him. I envy his girlfriend! Not only is he a great kisser, but he's a gentleman, he's got a great job, he's extra-sweet, etc! I really missed out!
Then there's this guy who we'll call Tim. The first time I met him, I'll be honest... I was disgusted with him. But as we got to know each other, I warmed up a little. He's also from Africa. I became professionally involved with him and the more I spoke to him, his accent became more and more irresistible. He's smart and we have a lot in common. One day I took him out for tea and to the airport as he's interested in flying. That night, we had a work-related event and we were both pretty inebriated! He kissed me on the dance floor and we remained close the rest of the night. Although... with him, (although I like him) I crossed the line professionally. And It kind of freaked me out how he told me he loved me that night at the work party. I like to take things slooooow... So now, I'm trying my best to avoid him, and when I do HAVE to see him, I'm keeping my distance or pretend like it NEVER happened.
Now there's this guy, we'll call him Joe. He's the lead singer in a band I've become pretty good friends with. I'd never heard of these guys until June of this year. The first time I saw them they were on stage in DC and it was POURING! There was a small shelter and plenty of umbrellas I could have used, but I had to get UP FRONT when I heard his voice. When I got to the front and I looked up as the rain was falling on me, I saw this beautiful face looking down at me. A voice like you wouldn't believe! I'm getting closer and closer to him... I believe he was giving me a certain "look" at their last concert at Martini Bar while he was performing last Saturday. He even handed me the mic and let me help him sing a little. He has also promised me a duet on my demo I'm recording. This guy is amazing! I like him a lot but I'm worried he's a little "out of my league". I will conquer him though. By conquer...I mean kiss. I'll invite him to my premier. Oh, and I'm going to his CD release concert at State Theater this Friday... I'm VERY excited!
But then on top of it ALL, there's this amazing guy who we'll name Ryan who lives in LA. He's my BEST guy-friend! He was my only real friend (besides my room mate, Pollette) while I was there. Now, we've NEVER kissed, but when we're with each other we always catch each other staring and then we smile as if to say, "I caught you." He's such a gentleman too! He really respects me and my independence, but at the same time, he always asks to carry my bags, hold doors, etc. This crazy lady in Korea Town jumped in front of us one day as we were walking down the street, arms linked, and she yelled in our faces and so EVERYONE within a 2 mile radius could hear, "GOD WANTS YOU TWO TO GET MARRIED!" I know she was crazy, but... God speaks to us in strange and different ways... was she right? We do have a lot in common and we both really like each other... He's saving up to come visit me here in Md. I'm already friends with his mom, now I want him to meet mine... But... WHAT IS HE?!? I'm confused!
IN OTHER NEWS
I recently had the lead female role in a short film! It's called "Renescentia". I can't give too much away, but it's a romance that was filmed on a beach and it will be featured in an international online film festival on Valentines Day. The premier will be held at Eye Bar in DC, although the date has yet to be determined as we have to do voice overs. The day we filmed was WINDY and that's coming in strong from the mic. Oh, I can also tell you that I had to cry... ayayay! If anyone knows me, they know I can't cry. I used Vicks (rubbed on eyeball) and visine and it DID THE TRICK! haha And actually it was a little refreshing after the burning died down...
Also, I did it. I finally pressed charges. Let the games begin. Shitface is going down! You can't hurt me and get away with it! And to all those heartless people who would rather push me in front of a bus just to save themselves, I'm sorry, but I'm driving that bus now and I'm making sure you're all on it with me. If I don't do this, I'll be a wreck in a few years down the road. Jesus, take the wheel!
And, if all that isn't enough, I got into an accident today. I'm ok but my car isn't. It was snowing and I was coming down the hill on Linganore Rd. I wasn't even going 20mph and although I turned the wheels, my car kept sliding down the hill. I almost ended up in a lake but luckily, my car turned the slightest bit before the lake and I hit a brick wall, knocking it over and 4 mailboxes too. The thing that gets to me is that there were two cars waiting to come out of a drive way who just sat there and watched it happen. After I got out, I assumed they'd ask if I was ok but they just drove away. The people who owned the farm took care of me and were able to tow my car out of the ditch. It's driveable, but needs considerable work! I need a new side panel on the passengers side and a new bumper as mine is cracked. And not just a little crack... What luck!

Monday, 05 November 2007

Nightmare in a Snowglobe? My World is Crumbling All Around Me!

Everything is snowballing around me...
*** I'm lost, I'm not as tough as I thought I was. I still can't cry, but I can feel it coming. Any day now, ready to explode. All these feelings, all these emotions that have been locked up inside of me for months... ready to spill. My eyes are burning, they feel heavy. They feel tired but my mind is still wide awake. It's the adrenaline. I was shaking so much when I saw him, and I wasn't even cold. I was scared, I was angry, I was confused. Why did I walk away? Why didn't I push it? I want what's mine and if it means going to court, I'll go. Not happily, but I'll go. Why did that night at Wally's happen? Why was Shitface there? He had no reason to be there. Why wasn't I more careful? Why couldn't I stop it? Why...just...why?
***My baby brother is going out to sea tomorrow. He's a Machinists Mate in the US Navy. I never thought, in my wildest dreams that we'd be as close as we are today. Although he's on the other side of the US, we have never been better friends. There was always yelling, always fighting, always hitting, hating, cursing, blaming...always. Since the day he came home from the hospital, it was constant bickering. Although, that never changed my love for him. I always thought he was the most adorable little brother, even though we didn't always get along. I used to carry him to bed when he'd fall asleep on the couch at night. I carried him to bed until he was 10 and too big for me to lift anymore. Now, I couldn't carry him to bed if there were two of me. He's taken on the role as the "big brother" as he is, physically, bigger than I. He could carry me to bed now, but...he's being deployed tomorrow... on Monday November 5, 2007 at 11am Pacific time. May God watch over him and calm every wave and every ripple he sails through. May He guard him and keep him out of harm's way. May He bring my big baby brother home to us as soon as possible. May my big baby brother be at my wedding one day, and meet his nieces and/or nephews. May he find his wife and have a beautiful family of his own. May he live a long happy life. May he have all the best and most unique experiences in life! May this trip out to sea be more educational and entertaining than stressful. May I have my big baby brother back soon, please God?
***Kia Rio... two words, so much drama. I'm beginning to think that cars are more trouble than they're worth. Personally, I enjoy walking. If we could walk everywhere we needed to go, I'd sell my car. First it needed a new clutch. As we were waiting for Monday, when the Auto Repair Shop would be open, my car dies in Hagerstown. Clutch shattered and fly wheel burned. Ally and I hitch a ride from a police officer to a CVS parking lot where there's a parade and where we're meeting our friend, Angie. From there we get a taxi back to my car and wait for the tow truck to come and take the Kia back to Frederick. He says he can only take it to a local holding station in Hagerstown til Monday. We flirt, he gives in and we hitch a ride back to Frederick in his truck. From there we hitch a ride from a car salesman, in one of the used cars for sale, back to my house. I use the big, chunky van for a while because I'm unable to make a payment of $1,000... one lump sum! Eventually, my dad pays the bill, I can make payments to him, and I get my car. Next day, he's in San Diego w/ the mom and bro and he calls me telling me not to drive my car. It is in DIRE need of new brake shoes. The repair shop almost wouldn't let me take it out of their lot b/c it's just that dangerous atm. Kia Rio...
***My best friend may have found a lump. We're not sure yet... she's had small things like this before but they went away after a while. But this one hurts. She's helping me with Shitface, so I'm helping her find a free clinic.
***My parents don't trust me at all. I've been so secretive about my life and friends lately. I'm not ashamed of my friends or my parents, I just want friends that are mine and not there just to talk to my mom. I understand she's lonely, but so am I. Imagine watching 3 kids all day... I need adult conversation. Bringing my friends over won't grant me that. She's the type of mother that loves talking to her kid's friends, which isn't a bad thing...unless you're the kid. Also, the whole Shitface thing needs to be kept under wraps. She hates that I'm so independent and unsympathetic... It's just who I am... I'm a hard ass, get used to it... And they won't get off my ass about the car thing and getting another job. It's my damned life, I'll do with it what I please!
***My duties as band manager are too much for me to handle. Call this place, call that person, book this venue, set up recording sessions for demo, lunch meetings w/ other managers to compare notes, hold band meetings, push guys for papers to be returned, deal w/ 4 stubborn boys...oh..I mean, men of whom, I believe only one is serious about succeeding. One of them has a huge schoolboy crush on me (it's obvious and he told me when he was drunk, and I quote, "Lindsay, I'm not gonna hide it... I really like you... like... I think I love you. Not just love...in love...") and he doodles my name, flowers and hearts on official meeting notes when we're holding our band meetings. One of them is too stubborn and egotistical. No one can tell him where he needs to improve. The other one is hesitant, it seems like he doesn't like authority and when he's not acting hesitant he couldn't seem to care less.
***My hours were cut at work. When the mother's hours are cut, the nanny's hours are cut... it sucks, but it's the way the job works. So I'm applying at a couple of places atm. I never in my life EVER wanted to work w/ or around food, I think it's nasty, but I applied at Starbucks simply b/c I haven't had health insurance for almost 4 years and I think I should get that taken care of! Starbucks offers health insurance to part time employees, and that's exactly what I'll be.
I think that's it for now...whew, hopefully getting all of this out will stop some of the tears from wanting to escape. I just don't like crying, period. Maybe I'm not really strong but I'm brave and working on a plan to get AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE! I'm recording a demo to send to the Philippines. If they like what they hear, I'll be there by the end of next year, thank goodness! I know people in the Filipino music industry, and they've agreed to help out.
I want to get away, I want to fly away...

Sunday, 02 September 2007

You Wouldn't Believe Me if I Told You!!

So, last night was Girl's Night Out. Had it all planned out!
Were going to Love then Five.
Turns out Snoop Dog was at Love. So we went to Adams Morgan.
There we did Prince's Hooka Lounge, then Chloe, then Five.

My CRAZY night in DC included:

Hooka- *Apple, Peach, Strawberry
Chloe-*A couple Jager Bombs, Captn nd Coke
*A crazy Jamaican girl whom I luv!
Five-*Lies, lies, lies... Told some guys at Five we were UCLA International Students visiting DC. Chantaya did her Brittish accent and I did my South African accent. Worked like a charm! We also had Filipino's w/ us so made it better!
*Chantaya's car key broke off in the ignition
*Lost friends (they left early), met Summer and Tia.
*Danced on a roof
*Did a little pole dancing- Ouch...
*Danced on table w/ some guy.
*Met up w/ some old High School Peeps- RANDOMLY in D-fucking-C!!!
*Left Club Five and broke into Chantaya's car to go home, the ALARM goes off!!! B/c the alarm is going off, the car won't start.
*We call AAA... the locksmith doesn't come out at 4:00am!
*DC Cops show up and try to help.
*We are stranded in DC, we have NO ride.
*FINALLY got a ride to Gtown from old TJ friend, looking for the House Party that apparently EVERYONE is waiting for me at! I call for directions and everyone's ass is already passed out!
*Stuck in Gtown w/ NO ride home!
*It's COOOOLD!!
*Waited at 7-11 for an hour for Chantaya's fiance to come get us.
*More police- not us this time...well technically not...it was our fault tho... her fiance got pulled over on his way to get us.
*FINALLY gets us and get McDonalds...the only NORMAL thing we've done in 24hours!
*AAAANNDD Home...
*Shower, take 30 min nap, wake up, get dressed, go to church early to rehearse b/c I'm singing this Sunday.
*On the way to church the main roads are ALL shut down, it's a MAD TOWN! *Fire trucks, police cars, ambulances... there were 4 buildings on fire!
*I decide to take the back roads to church and THEY'RE ALL shut down too!! *The skies are FULL of smoke, I get lost, and somehow end up RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRES!!! CAN'T SEE 20 FEET IN FRONT OF ME!! FIRETRUCKS ARE ALLLLLL AROUND ME! NO ONE TRIED TO STOP ME!!
*WHIP A FAST U-TURN AND find the longest way to church possible!!
*And I sang like a fucking angel! HAHAHA

HOLY GEEZZZ!!!! This would ONLY happen to me, honestly. I don't know y I'm not even tired, given that I haven't slept at all... I'm running on fumes and adrenaline. So if anyone wants a REAL-LIFE adventure, just hang w/ me for a day/night and believe me, you WON'T be disappointed! My body is tired, my legs feel like they're gonna fall off and I'm dizzy from all the activity... I need to go to bed w/ some nyquil so I can party again tonight.... sweet dreams everyone! It's 1pm and I'm FINALLY going to bed!! MUAH!